Professor Marsha Kline Pruett, M.S., M.S.L., Ph.D., shares five helpful strategies for managing co-parenting issues with a vindictive co-parent. She writes that while vindictive parents may appear angry, usually they are carrying hurt and grief. They may not even be aware of their feelings, and will put the child in the middle, using them to hurt the other parent. In a situation with continuous undermining and disparaging, Pruett writes, co-parenting cannot work, and distance, time and space are needed. Parallel parenting is the answer, where each parent raises the child with few overlapping rules, keeping contact to a minimum.
She emphasizes the importance of taking the high road, even when it’s difficult. The five techniques Pruett recommends are: contact them only when necessary; parallel parent as much as possible; when you do speak, remain calm and don’t get involved in emotional discussion; show your child you wish no ill will to the other parent; when they undermine you, explain to your child that the other parent is doing it because they’re upset, and that you will continue to be respectful to them.
